Enjoy Sex Toys

Standing sex is really not as easy to pull off as Hollywood would have us think. Realistically, both partners need to be very close in height, and both need to have strong arms and legs. Plenty of people pull it off, but what about the majority of sex partners who do not have similar enough body types to obtain this Herculian feat?

If one partner is shorter than the other, consider having the shorter person stand on stairs. Of course, this adds some danger to the position…doing the nasty and not falling down the stairs! If you just can’t get the hang of having sex standing up, consider using furniture and faking it.

The trick here is to find something that one partner can sit on the edge of that puts her at the right height to fit with her man. The average man is about 6 feet tall– kitchen counters tend to be about the right height to get the woman’s crotch lined up with a standing man’s crotch. Using the counter to balance the woman on the edge of, the man then stands in front of her. She wraps her legs around his waist, and he fucks her while keeping her ass ever so slightly on the counter. Voila– easier vertical action.

Sex toys like dildos and vibrators are great for vertical sex. If you just can’t seem to get your parts lined up properly, use your toys to fake it. The man picks the woman up and backs her against a wall; the wall will offer support. She wraps her legs around his waist and uses her arms to hold on to him around the shoulders or torso. Now, he uses an adult toy on her using one hand, while helping hold her up with the other.

Many people find that sex standing up is often easier if the man enters the woman from behind. This way she can stand with her back to him, and he can bend his knees to enter her, then rise to a more full standing position. Ladies, wear your high-heeled shoes for this one. You’ll feel sexier, and it will help give you extra height needed for your bodies to fit together.

We’ve all been there. Things are hot and heavy, and suddenly one of you makes a stupid joke, or does something embarrassing and everything comes to a screeching halt. Here are a few things to avoid.

Sometimes watching television is part of the action. Either you’ve selected a porno to watch together, or you are playing a game of “Oh my, you’re pleasuring me while I go about my regularly scheduled activity.” If the TV is on, be careful not to give it too much attention. Your partner most likely still wants you to look at him and send him cues about what he’s doing. Glancing at the TV is fine– getting into a chick-flick movie and forgetting that you’re in midst of receiving cunnilingus is bad.
If your partner accidentally makes an embarrassing body noise, like passing gas or burping, try not to point it out. He’ll probably excuse himself, but whether he does or not, forget it happened and keep going at it. Everybody farts and burps, don’t turn an embarrassing nothing into an enormous embarrassment.

Only compliment your partner’s body. Sex is no time to criticize or compare.

If you are in a domestic relationship, sex is probably not the right time to thank your woman for cooking dinner. You’re likely to piss her off by making her feel like you think that she’s just here to serve you. Doing that with your dick in her mouth can be more dangerous than wrestling alligators.
Don’t pick your nose or scratch your ass. Save those for when you’re alone, or supposed to be working.

It is unwise to use this time to bring up other conversation topics, particularly chore, child, or work related.

And perhaps the most important taboo to avoid during sex is asking “Are you almost done yet?”

A guy is interviewing for a job with a Federal agency. The interviewer asks the man if he has any allergies. The man answers “Yes, I’m allergic to caffeine.”

“Well, that’s a strike against you, but moving on… Do you have any disabilities?” asks the boss.

The man answers “Yes, I got my balls blown off in ‘Nam.”

The interviewer says “Well that’s great! You’re a Purple Heart Veteran! I can say right now, you have the job. Show up at 10 a.m. On Monday morning. Our hours 8 a.m. To 5 p.m.”

The Veteran replies, “Shouldn’t I show up at 8, since that’s when the office opens?” and the interviewer responds, “No, this is a Federal job. We spend the first two hours standing around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.”

So, I’ve had a bit of trouble getting off during sex with my husband. It’s not that I don’t think he’s sexy and all that, it’s just that he’s, well, let’s just say he’s a bit less than I prefer. For a long time we incorporated all sorts of sex toys for my benefit. Electric toys like vibrators were my favorite for a long time, but I started to yearn to cum on my husband’s dick. A friend recommended (yes, we Ladies tell each other everything) that I get my husband a penis extender. I didn’t think he’d go for it, and I didn’t want to hurt his feeling, poor little guy, but I figured it out. Maybe this advice will help some other married woman who dreams of having more.

In the adult toys stores it’s easy to find those penis extenders that look more like a real penis and fit over your man’s member to make it longer and wider. Some of them are pretty good, and even have a more realistic feel. But girls, that shit ain’t fooling anybody. You hand your man one of those and he’ll know what you’re thinking about his little soldier. So instead, I got my man one of the penis extensions that offers other pleasurable features, and told him that it was for both of us.

We like the silicone sleeve one that has little bumps all over. It adds some girth to his member for my pleasure, and honestly gives him a feeling of being in a tighter hole. I mean, if I get to feel like I’m fucking a bigger dick, he can feel like he’s fucker a younger pussy, right? Another one that we like a lot has a cock ring at the base of the sleeve and a little bullet vibrator. That baby gets us both off so fast– it’s perfect for weeknights when we have to get to sleep because we have to be up early in the morning and don’t have much time or energy for sex. I’m just saying, instead of offending your man, just tell him it’ll add to both your pleasure and get one of the sex toy penis extenders that’ll make him think that you were thinking of his pleasure all along– and won’t offend his manhood.